Christians are straight up FREAKS
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
