Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
