Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
