I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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