my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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