I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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