My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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