So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
