You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
