Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
