im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
