I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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