your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
