Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
