gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
