I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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