Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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