it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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