actually, I'm a sock model
North Korea, Best Korea!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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