im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This baby is an asshole
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
