did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize