Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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