That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
