She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize