Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sext me about skeletons
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize