Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
