So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
