tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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