My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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