It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize