The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
