What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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