I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
