Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
