her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
