im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
