Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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