You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He had one of those small greek statue penises
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
