I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
