Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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