Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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