just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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