and i looked up. we had an audience...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
