He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
