You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize