It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
