I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
