I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
