I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
