So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
