You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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