Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Two words: blizzard sex
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
