i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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