there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
