Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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