My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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