A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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