nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
