I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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