A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
