I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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