I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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