chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
