Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
