you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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